Ellen, Hero of HOPE
(Excerpt from book, Not Ok, It’s Ok by Shannon Kapp)
To laugh often and love genuinely. To respect others and judge less. To win the affection and sincere smiles of children. To earn the regard of honest peers and endure the betrayal of fake friends. To appreciate the beauty surrounding you wherever you are, whenever you are. To find the good in people and situations. To give what you can and leave the world a little better than you found it. To have explored ideas and passions and sung at the top of your lungs in delight. To know that at least one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is what LIVING is all about.
Her sparkle effected everyone she came in contact with.
She brought love joy and kindness to everyone she met.
No one has ever had the strength and positivity of you.
We all know that person who always seems to rise above no matter what the circumstance who ALWAYS has the biggest smile in the room.
Inspiration, courage, attitude, and encouraging smile are second to none.
Her spirit is inspiring beautiful and uplifting.
She always has a smile on her face, she is always a positive force.
I get a ton of strength from her and her amazing ability to brighten everything.
She had an amazing ability to make people feel special and important.
The above statements are a few of many said about one of my hero’s, her name is Ellen. This happens to be the last chapter I wrote in this book. When I laid out the book I wrote the first paragraph of every chapter, then went back and finished writing. The reason this was the last chapter is I wrestled with the best way to express the importance of putting it out there to have and receive hope in life. Every time I thought about this chapter, my thoughts always went back to Ellen. She is the greatest example I have known in my 45 years of life of the power of living your life to the fullest and making the world a more beautiful place than it was before your showed up. So yesterday I called my friend Mike and asked if I could write about his beautiful daughter, Ellen, he said yes.
We had just moved to a new community and my boys were new students in a new school with over 2900 students. On the first day this friendly wild child named Cade told my boys they were going to eat lunch with him and his friends. Yeah thats right, he didn't ask. Man, am I glad he did. That bossy decision would forever impact mine and my families lives forever.
The lunch was the beginning of lifelong friendship for my boys and our family. One day my boys were at Cade’s house after school and I drove over to pick them up. When I got there, there was an army of young people hanging out at the house. I found out later and have experienced first hand this was a regular occurrence. This was the day I met Ellen. You see Cade had a sister, an older sister who was out skating with the boys. Ill never forget that smile when my son Chandler said dad this is Cade’s sister, Ellen. She said Hi, was super sweet, I loaded up my boys and drove away. I had a number of similar encounters with Ellen over the rest of that year.
In the fall of that year I took a 1 year contract in North Carolina and moved my family across the country. The following year my work took me to Portland Oregon (I know, my poor family). I have to be honest with you, I didn't know that my boys had stayed close friends with their crew from Southern California. Until one day... Chandler came down the stairs and informed us that he was dating Ellen. I guess they had stayed close friends and in contact while we were galavanting all over the country. Fortunately we were back on the west coast and Chandler didn't mind having to fly down to San Diego fairly regularly (insert sarcasm). This is when I really got to know Ellen.
At 11 years old Ellen had beaten osteosarcoma (bone cancer). To all of our surprise, about the time Chandler and Ellen started dating she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was blown away with her hope, her joy, and her care for others after getting news that would emotionally derail most people. She didn't skip a beat. I’m sure there were hard days but she took it on like the champion she was. And she always made sure others were ok.
Through chemotherapy, treatments and surgery we were overjoyed along with Ellen and her family when in January she was told that she was cancer free, again!
My son Chandler had made a number of trips down to visit Ellen while she was in treatment beating cancer, but now that she was done she flew up to Oregon to hangout in the rain. And see Chandler. One night Chandler and Ellen decided to go to the Adidas employee store to shop (one of the perks of living in Portland). While they were there we received a phone call from Chandler, I could hear the seriousness in his voice as he told me that Ellen was experiencing some extreme internal pain and they were rushing here by ambulance to the nearest hospital. I quickly jumped in my car and raced to the hospital to find Chandler comforting this champion while she laid there agonizing. Over the next number of hours they were able to get here pain under control and schedule a follow-up appointment with her doctor when she returned to San Diego. Ill never forget her apologizing to us! She felt so bad for inconveniencing us. Which was ridiculous because it wasn’t an inconvenience, but thats how Ellen was. Always smiling, always caring, always loving.
Ellen flew home and went to her doctor to try and find out what the pain was from, they had assumed it was some residual effects from the treatments she had beating breast cancer. They ran tests. When the results came back, Ellen was informed that she had a new cancer. I remember hearing a story from her aunt. On the day they found out Ellen had cancer again for the third time, her aunt was either at home or work but was so angry that her niece who she loved so much had cancer again. All of a sudden her phone rings and its Ellen, “Hey you coming out to eat with us?” This is why she’s one of my hero’s of hope. She refused to allow the difficulties and challenges of life to stop her from living every day.
I ran across an Instagram post that I thought summarized how incredible a person our Ellen was and the depth of her love. This post was after she was diagnosed again and preparing to fight cancer for a third time. On February 6th, when being interview by the Lipstick Surf Company. Ellen was asked – How she stayed so positive through all the battles? She kindly responded – “I always keep a positive attitude and always smile even through the rough times. To see my loved ones not suffering, I take the pain so they can enjoy life”
I’m sure Ellen had moments but I never saw her without hope and joy. Even when battling cancer she dressed up and went to cancer prom, I remember her talking about how much she loved and cared for all of the young people who attended this annual event. HOPE. When she was young and had just beat her first battle she attended a cancer camp for kids who have or have had it. I don't know how many years but I know the highlight of her year every year was going back to that camp to serve those kids. HOPE.
Ellen was informed soon after cancer prom that the cancer in her body had spread. She had a choice. They could either make her comfortable for whatever life she would have left. Or she could fight. The odds were not in her favor, but she had hope, so it was a no-brainer for her. She fought.
On Monday April 3, Ellen went into the hospital to begin invasive chemotherapy and on Wednesday April 5, Ellen lost her battle with cancer and passed away at 20 years old.
Later that month as I stood on a stage in-front of a the largest crowd I have ever experienced at a memorial. I was there as a fan, self proclaimed family and officiate this master of hope’s celebration of life. Its probably one of the most amazing hours of my life. To hear the crowd give a standing ovation for what seemed like forever for her. Why? She had no enemies. And everyone who encountered her could not help but walk away from the encounter a little happier than they were before. Her hope for life was contagious.
The following is a short excerpt from my notes at Ellens memorial:
Ellen deserves to be celebrated. Why? Because Ellen lived well. She lived in a way that should be admired. She was an example to us all.
Today you’re going to hear stories about this champion who will live on in our hearts and stories. And when we leave today your going to be challenged by this beautiful ray of sunshine to brighten the world around you.
Today we applaud you Ellen, because you didn’t just live, you lived well!
She loved and was loved in return
She gave more than she took
She had no Enemies
She approached life and challenges with her whole heart She lived the words of the great philosopher - Yoda- "Do or do not. There is no try."
She left her mark – This Optimistic, courageous, positive, joyful, fighter - today we celebrate her.
Lessons of Hope from Ellen:
“Smiles are key 😊” (taken from @ell1019, November 8, 2016):
“You dont have time to be timid, YOU MUST BE BOLD AND DARING” (taken from @ell1019, October 8, 2016):
“When you find out you can live without it and go along not thinkin’ about it Ill tell you something true, The bear necessities of life will come to you” (taken from @ell1019, September 24, 2016):
“I just want to take a moment and thank each and every one of you for that amazing event that happened last night, I was literally speechless with all the wonderful love and support I have received from everyone.❤️ In return I’m going to kick cancers ass for each and everyone of you 💕 love you all 💕 (taken form @ell1019, August 19, 2016):
I hope this story about my hero Ellen, challenges you To give what you can and leave the world a little better than you found it. Put yourself out there. Take a risk, if your waiting on another life to hope your going to miss the treasure of today. Today is the right day to live and live well. Here’s to all those to go all in on hope!
R.I.P. EL
“God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.” – Voltaire
