Supporting Someone Grieving a Suicide

If one of our friends, family members, students, or coworkers has been grieving a suicide, we might be unsure of how we can best support them. Helping a friend through grief is hard, and often we’ll keep coming back to the thought: ‘I don’t know what to say or do’. We want to offer you a few steps you can take to be a friend and a support:

Be honest.

It’s often a relief to hear ‘this sucks’ instead of ‘they’re in a better place’ or ‘they’re free from their pain’. When you sit down as a friend, acknowledge the awfulness of the situation and asks what they need, it can give the space needed to drop the mask, feel, and show up as they are.

Show up.

This one of the most important things we can do. We might not know what to say or do – but who does? There’s no guidebook for coping with the pain of these situations. It’s much better to show up and say ‘I don’t know what to say or do, but I’m here’ than to avoid the situation because we’re not sure of the perfect words.

Reach in.

When people go through a traumatic loss, it can be incredibly difficult to reach out. It might be fear of judgements, worry about burdening people, or struggling to have the motivation or brain space to write a text. Sometimes, what is needed most is friends and family to contact first.

Be patient.

Coping with grief is not a quick process. People often grow with and around grief as opposed to escaping it altogether. Please don’t abandon those you love. Keep reaching in even if there’s no response. Remind them that you care. Don’t expect them to heal overnight.

Practical support.

Maybe they just need a hand with childcare. Maybe they just need a donut and a coffee. Simply ask what they need. Or guess. Your gesture will be a support.

Talk to them about their loved one.

Sometimes when someone dies, people become fearful of talking about them or saying their name. But what they might need is to talk about them. They might want to reminisce, laugh, and share things that remind them of their loved one. In time, they might want to do something to remember them such as a fundraising event, or a creative project to keep their memory alive. As time passes, they might appreciate you remembering significant dates such as their loved one’s birthday, an anniversary, or the date of their death.

Help them to find support.

Trying to find support services can be overwhelming. They might need a hand with booking an appointment, or someone to sit in the waiting room with them. Maybe it would help if you found out which charities and local services operate in our area. Don’t push stuff on them, but let them know that you’re up for helping with that kind of thing if they need a hand.

Most of all, be a friend. They’re not an alien – they’re the same person you always knew. Talk to them as you always have. Sit and watch a movie with them. Do the things you’ve always done with them. Please keep being their friend and run towards the fire of their grief not away.

SUPPORT AND RESOURCES

You are not alone. Support and resources are available. There is also specific support for those under the age of 18.

There are a range of organizations who might be able to help us. www.NAMI.org

is a great place to start. www.dougy.org or a quick google search will offer a number a free or accessible resources in most communities. Recently the dad of some boys I used to coach in football made the unfortunate decision to take his own life and it took me less than 15 minutes to find them free grief counselors in their community with my phone and a computer.

If your grieving the loss of a loved one: Healing takes time. Coping with grief is tough, and we’re likely to go through all sorts of different phases, feelings and emotions. At times, a tsunami of emotion can come out of nowhere.

It’s important to be patient with yourself. You deserve kindness and support; you deserve to feel okay. There is no way through this except to go through it. This sucks, but you can do it. You are doing good just reading this today means you are heading in the right direction. Let others love and walk with you, you don’t have to do this alone.

We’re here for you. If you need someone neutral to talk to, reach out to us and we will be a faithful friend. We got your back.

Please help us to help others and share this, you never know who might need it.