Owning IT!

Even when the going gets tough, own it!  If you’re struggling at a job you don’t love, look at it this way: you’re choosing to make a living to pay your mortgage, support your family, and fuel your dreams.  Don’t resist it; own it – that’s where your power is.  If you’re in a difficult situation that’s causing you pain, you’re choosing to be in it.  Maybe staying will lead to essential growth or a breakthrough or a deeper understanding of love and appreciation.  Or not.  But you’re choosing to be in or out, right now.  Whichever you choose, own it – that’s where your power is. 

When I was in 6th grade I went out for the track team. As a reckless, rambunctious pre-teen I saw people pole vaulting and knew right away, that was for me. The problem was I wasn’t any good at it. All the other sports I had participated in up until this point I achieved some level of quick success mostly because I was willing to out-effort the other person in pursuit of the validation and applause of others. Pole Vaulting however, took talent, athleticism, technique and a lot of perseverance. All I brought to the table was want-to. As of our final track meet of the season I had not cleared a single height. It wasn’t out of a lack of desire or dedication. I showed up every day, practiced hard, I just sucked. When the meet was coming to an end, the person judging the event must of seen how disappointed I was. So he put the bar up and lowered the height below where everyone else started and said, “try again”. So I got back on the run way, took off as fast as I could, planted my pole, went up into the air.... and knocked the bar off. So this kind person having pity on me lowered it some more. This happened three more times until I finally cleared the bar for the first time. I’m pretty sure an average adult could have stepped over the bar, but dang it, I cleared it!

Feeling proud of myself and my incredible accomplishment I began packing my things up to leave the track meet. As I began to walk off the red cinder track I noticed my Track Coach walking towards me. He was a giant hairy man with one of those mustaches that covered their bottom lip. I feel like he was probably a police officer in the 70’s. I was sure he was on his way to applaud my outstanding accomplishments and beg me to give him the honor of coming back the next season to wow everyone again! I was wrong. He looked down at me and began to talk in his baritone voice (at least I think that was his voice because you couldn’t see his lips moving because of the giant black caterpillar on his face). He said to me, “Shannon, you should play baseball next year. Your not really good at track”. This is the moment where I learned to own it. As I walked away something in me woke up and said, “if you don't quit, you win”. Now let me confess before I move on. I’ve quit some things since then and I have not quit some things and ended up losing. The principle that was established that day however was to own my hopes dreams and desires, and if I want something bad enough to keep on going regardless of what I see. It was this principle that has carried me into and through some of my greatest success and failures.

I did go back out for the track team and ended up having a lot of success as a pole vaulter over the years. More importantly I learned that one failure, if I own it, can be the pathway to much success.

You are powerful. You are talented. You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You are a gift. You life matters. LIVE TODAY!

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” -Mae West

Even When It Hurts

Remember, personal growth in all walks of life is a slow, steady process.  It can’t be rushed.  You need to work on it gradually every day.  There is ample time for you to be who you want to be in life.  Don’t settle for less than what you think you deserve, or less than you know you can be.  

I had my first panic attack when I was about 7 years old locked in a closet. These hyperventilating, obsessive, freak outs became unwanted friends throughout my life. I generally saw the glass half empty and was always paranoid that someone was out to get me. I struggled to want or keep friends and definitely avoided closeness with anyone. When I was young I didn’t realize I did this and when I got older I believed I had insight and foresight and protected myself from unnecessary pain or drama. To those closest to me (primarily my family and the few friends I kept over the years) none of what I just said would come as a surprise. But to the majority of the world they would have never known. To the majority I looked like a duck on the water, graceful on top but under the water kicking frantically. 

My teachers in grade school used to comment to my mother about the “joy” I was to have in class, and how they loved that I was “always smiling”. What they didn’t know is I would go to the bathroom and work through panic attacks and most nights I cried myself to sleep.

As an adult I perfected the art of allowing people to believe they were close to me all the while I kept them far enough away they couldn’t effect me. I only did things I was good at and one of those things was convincing people I was good at most things. But my plan fell apart when I got a family of my own. Its easy to fake it from a distance its a whole-nother thing to live under the same roof with someone and try to hide this type of behavior. I was in pain, and now because I wasn’t dealing with my pain, I was trying to outrun my pain, out work my pain, outlast my pain, ignore my pain, I was now sharing my pain and giving it to people I loved the most. To be brutally honest, I was trying to use my family to heal my pain which resulted in manipulation, control, and emotional abuse to the people I desired to love, serve and protect.

Mental illness. What a broad term. We inevitably have personal definitions when we hear this term. Why? Because our minds are picture galleries not word banks. Let me prove it to you. CHEESEBURGER. What are you thinking about right now? Of course a cheeseburger, not c.h.e.e.s.e.b.u.r.g.e.r., not letters and words. Your thinking about two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun. Sorry, Ive regressed, back to my point. Mental illness. What are you thinking about right now? Are you thinking about the homeless shoeless man who shouts at himself and believes he’s a dinosaur? 

According to the Mayo Clinic a Mental illness, also called mental health disorders, refers to a wide range of mental health conditions — disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. According to Metal Health First Aid In the United States, almost half of adults (46.4 percent) will experience a mental illness during their lifetime.

I have a mental illness. Ive traveled the world, was married 23 years, helped raise 3 amazing kids, was a pastor for 29 years, planted churches, coached football and track, competed athletically at the top level, and yes I have a mental illness. I am clinically diagnosed with major depression and Complex PTSD. To be honest with you I have only recently come to know what my actual diagnosis was. For many years I knew something was different about how I emotionally understood, interacted and responded to the world around me and the only answer I had was, it was just my personality. 

Now that I am aware of my illness I am able to get the help I need to be kind to my self, be healthy, and engage the world around me in a healthier way.

Maybe your part of the 53.6 percent of Americans who do not struggle each day with a mental illness. Maybe its a bad habit, emotional dysfunction, poor time management, holding back, lack of focus, poor physical health, negative attitude, or fear. Whatever your hurdle is to the hope that you might live the life you desire this I know is true: You will never fix what you neglect. You will never conquer what your not willing to identify.

Maybe you’ve tried before. Try again. What I have learned so far in life is, more important than the destination is taking the next right step. There is actually a lot of wisdom in not worrying about what is going to happen in the next days, weeks or months. Its steps. If you will choose to take the next right step, and then the next right step the destination will take care of itself. This is called “WINNING THE DAY”

Be patient.  Be positive.  And remember, no matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.

So what is your next right step? Is it asking for help? A trip to the doctor? Asking that person for forgiveness? Going to the gym? Inviting a close friend to hold you accountable? Whatever it is, there might be some pain involved, you’ll probably stumble along the way, but get up, look yourself in the eye and commit to living the life you deserve. When you stumble forgive yourself, when there’s pain take a knee and catch your breath and step again. If you don't quit, you will win. Despite the struggles you’ll inevitably face along the way, never give up on yourself.  Don’t allow failure to detour you, failure, it’s the lessons learned by champions. Fight through the pain for the life you deserve. You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and twice as capable as you have ever imagined.  Keep going.

One of my roles as a high school football coach is to pump up or energize emotionally the team before we leave the locker room and head to the field. I want to share with you one of my go-to cadences that fires up my guys. And I dare you to find a place and scream this at the top of your lungs until you believe it!

I’m gana fight

Till I cant fight no more

And when I cant fight no more

I’m gana lay down

Bleed a while

But then I’m gana get up

AND FIGHT SOME MORE!!!

“The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.” – Vince Lombardi