Helping Teens Who Self Harm

Why Do Teens Cut Themselves? 

Teens who hurt themselves aren't crazy and their self-injury doesn't mean they're suicidal. Instead, it just means they're having trouble coping with their pain in a healthy manner.

The physical act of hurting their bodies provides a temporary sense of emotional relief. A teen who cuts himself (or burns himself) begins to focus on the injury as the reason for the pain.

It also provides a sense of control. A teen who engages in self-injury is likely to feel like they can control the pain better. In addition, the injury releases endorphins into the bloodstream, which also provides a temporary boost of mood.

So a stressed-out teen may cut their arms as a way to relieve stress. Or a teen who is struggling to deal with a breakup may cut their chest as a way to experience physical pain, as opposed to just emotional pain.

If you or your teen are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

How to Help a Teen Who Self-Harms 

You may see scratches or cuts on a teen who is engaging in self-injury. You might notice bandages or your teen may wear long sleeves or cover their body even when it's hot outside.3

If you suspect your teen is deliberately injuring themselves, it's important to intervene. These steps can help you start a discussion and find them the professional help they need.1

1. Ask your teen directly if they are engaging in self-harm. Often the direct approach is the most effective. Be clear that your goal is to help them, not to judge or punish Ask, "Did you make those cuts on your arm on purpose?" or "Are you hurting yourself?"

2. Acknowledge your teen's pain. Telling a teen to stop or passing judgment won't be effective. Validate their feelings and express concern that they must be feeling really bad if they are hurting themselves. 

3. Identify activities your teen can do when they feel the urge to hurt themselves. Calling a friend, going for a walk, or drawing are just a few possible activities that could help your teen express their feelings in a healthier way.

4. Take steps to change your teens' self-harming behavior. Talk to your child's pediatrician to gain a referral to a therapist. A mental health professional can teach your teen healthier ways to regulate their emotions.

5. Help your teen create a list of people to talk to. Talking to trusted friends and family can help them cope with stress  and reduce their self-injury. Make a list of caring adults your teen can reach out to, such as a grandparent, aunt or uncle, friends' parents, or neighbors that your teen can confide in.

6. Be patient with your teen. Self-harming behavior takes the time to develop and will take the time to change. It is ultimately up to the teen to make the choice to help themselves.

With early identification, support from their family, and professional assistance, they can successfully stop self-harming.