Strategies to support your teen with Mental Illness
Start with yourself. One of the most important strategies for parents looking to help their teens is too often ignored: self-care. Parents must take care of themselves. You know, the whole “put your oxygen mask on first” concept. When parents show teens the hard but productive work it takes to cope with stress, they’re teaching them how to face challenges.
Children haven’t fully developed the ability to regulate emotions, so they need to co-regulate with the important adults in their lives. They look to see how their parents and other trusted adults are coping to figure out how they should react. They “borrow” our calm and gain a sense of safety by watching us. But they can just as easily “borrow” our frenzy or catastrophic thinking.
Ways for parents to model good self-care for their teens include spending time with others, healthy eating, exercising, getting enough sleep, and making time to relax.
Check in. Amid all the changes and chaos stemming from the pandemic, how do parents learn how their teens are really doing? Listening and take cues from what teens are saying. And if they’re not saying much, ask open-ended questions that show you care about their well-being. For parents struggling to find the words, try saying, “This is a tough time. I want to know how you’re experiencing this. What are you finding that’s helping you get through it? How can I support you?” Parents don’t have to offer immediate solutions—sometimes kids just need a sympathetic ear.
Establish or Re-establish routines. It’s essential for our teen’s mental health to have structure. Routines offer a sense of order that is calming in the midst of uncertainty. Help your teen establish bed- and wake-up times. Encourage them to get dressed in the morning, eat regular meals, and spend time away from screens.
Set the tone. Parents and caring adults can adopt an attitude that is honest, future-oriented, and hopeful. This doesn’t mean denying problems exist. These may be challenging times, but it is also an opportunity to demonstrate how to manage uncertainty. A time to find creative ways to re-connect. And a chance to build resilience.
While it may be difficult to keep a positive mindset, focus on what you can control and remind your children things will get better in the future. Part of this viewpoint includes looking at the reality of the situation and teaching them to believe that their actions (or inaction) make a difference. For example, if watching television news about the pandemic all the time is adding to your teen’s stress, remind them that while they can’t control what appears on the news, they can determine how much they watch. Choosing to turn it off, watch less, or vary the source of programs can impact their ability to maintain a more positive outlook.
Don’t forget joy! Families have been in survival mode for a while now. And when you’re just surviving there’s so much that you don’t allow yourself to do and feel. Families have so much culture and tradition that they can bring to their young people. Focuses on joy because it’s a powerful emotion for getting through hard times.
A friend now works with his kids to come up with “reflection and gratitude” prompts that they write down on slips of folded paper. They open one at dinner to start conversations about things they have to be grateful for and happy about.
Seek help. Sometimes it’s beyond our ability to help teens improve their emotional and mental health. Seeking help from others is an act of great strength. Don’t allow your child be a part of the 60% of American teens whose mental crisis goes uncared for. Speaking as a 46 year old man who has had to overcome his own mental health challenges. I can say with 100% certainty, there is not way to work through mental health issues in a productive, safe and healthy way alone. If parents feel unstable or if their own mental health is challenged, there is power in seeking help for yourself and modeling that “I don’t deserve to feel this way. I want to take the steps needed to feel better.”
There are many places to reach out for professional help. Find a psychologist near you from the American Psychological Association or ask your personal doctor for local counseling service providers. There are also professionals trained to help children and teens get through tough times. The family pediatrician or a school counselor is a good starting point. Often your local church has resources to assist. Check out NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Issues) You can also reach out to someone you trust in the community for local resources.
I know from my personal experience that success in life can only happen when we focus on the right next step. One of those steps is choosing to let others help. That’s why we created this movement. So people like your child and I could have someone who has walked in our shoes walk with us, cheer us on, be a good listener who understands. Myself and my coaches are committed to your child’s success!
I encourage you to sign them up today for our Building Champions e-Mentoring program where they will receive.
Daily Encouragement & Inspiration.
Weekly one on one call from one of our “If you don’t quit you win” mentors.
Confidential* email communication between champion and “If you don’t quit you win” mentor.
Monthly online “Champion’s Huddle” with other students with like interests.
